Divine Twin

It has been 23 weeks since my last post.

In this time I have managed to solve a severe mold problem that occurred in my bedroom and have managed to finally get over a cold that has lasted since winter (due to the mold issue).

I have begun studying natural perfumery, which is the first art form that I am actually passionate about. I have made several perfumes and perfume oils which relate to various deities including: Pan, Lucifer, Oya, Ochun, The Morrighan, and more... One that came out particularly interesting was an experiment with Cocoa Essential Oil that had many foresty notes including Fir Needle that transformed it into a chocolate liquor scent, which was fantastic!

My work with Heartsdesire has taken a fascinating turn. We have just begun work with the Elements, Guardians and their relationship to cosmology as well as the Iron Pentacle. So much of the material that was taughtove this past weekend has been really well thought out synthesized/syncretized and is original to Vanthi and Heartsdesire's personal gnosis, all with really thoughtful theological twists that were unexpected. The ritual introduction to the guardians was the first time in which I felt that the guardians could be approached for direct learning, and they actually talked to me!

I have also started work with Lucifer, a deity that I have long wanted to work with.

I just got back from my second meeting with Heartsdesire, we focused on fetch again and the practices of shape-shifting as well as traveling into Faery/Underworld with our fetch beasts. This work seems like it will be very juicy, because these two things are topics I have always struggled with.
In meditation I can awaken fetch and feel my blood pulsing up my spine and be overwhelmed by raccoon (my fetch beast) and sit with it and see with it's eyes both open and closed, so that is good. But letting my fetch take some control over my physical body as raccoon is tough.I want to be animalistic and let fetch beast take over (to an extant) but scare myself when I become other than human and retreat into talker... needless to say the thought of letting fetch be wild scares me shitless!!! I am a Capricorn sun, four planets in Capricorn, a moon in Taurus and Virgo rising= very hard to be wild!
Developing Faery Contacts and fetch's ability to perceive and travel in Faery should be fun/ interesting. I think doing fetch travel will lead to heightened psychic perception in other areas of my life. Anyway class was fun and interesting and engaging and sufficiently tiring. I am really liking how this training is going.

I realize it has been 15 weeks since I last posted anything. So here's whats up.

I managed to land myself a good job at what was "Dolphin Dream" and is now "The Mystic Dream". It's a really enjoyable job, we get quite a few crazies (which make for great stories), I have nice co-workers and bosses who are constantly keeping me entertained, and very talented readers. The best part of my job is when I get to execute any knowledge of herbs and Hoodoo with customers and be sarcastic with customers/ employers. It is definitely the best job I have had (I write this with full knowledge of my bosses ability to read this).

I met with Nytemuse last week and really enjoyed her company, I was suprised how much common ground we have. She was a lot fun to hang with. Before that I ran into Elemirion at my work, and had a great time talking and catching up.

I also saw Jim Shutte and Onyx and hung out in Berkeley for a few hours. Both are really sweet guys, it was nice talking to them. Both of them are really into comics, which brings me to my next topic: The Sandman. Neil Gaiman's The Sandman is absolutely some of the best literature and most addictive I've read. If I were to choose my favorite endless it would be a tie between Desire and Delirium. Desire for his/her sexy and bitchy qualities and Delirium for her genuine sweetness and curiosity.

Speaking of sexy, Gardengnosis and I have now been dating for 9 months, which have been amazingly wonderful. He is the first person I can feel completely safe, comfortable, and open with. I look in his eyes, and there are moments where I feel like I could just burst from the all consuming feelings of happiness/love/lust and sometimes find tears of joy (sounds cliche, I know) running down my cheek. I often get off work and find myself giddy/ excited to see him.

Soon the prospective of studying with Heartsdesire is coming up. From what I have read of her curriculum it is very much in line with what I am looking for in my Craft training. She is the one teacher who's concept of the Craft really resonated with me, as did the way she ran magic at the big Feri ritual, and her class at P-con. I really look forwardto working more with shamanic techniques and the faery realms.

Financially things are starting to finally normalize after our ex-roommate/ ex-friend left 1 1/2 months early and skipped rent on us for that time even though he had promised that he would pay it as per our lease. So we (Ian and I) waited until we got a call from our land lord saying that his share of rent never showed up. If you're not going to pay rent then tell us that, don't keep saying it will show up when it never does- and stop avoiding/ promising to pay money when you haven't payed it back to the other people you took money from in the Feri Community. The bad thing is that we still have to deal with him.

--The end of my long desired to be posted rant!--

Things in general seem to be shifting for the better.

I am greatly saddened to here of Cora's death. I was lucky to have seen her so much in the past 9 months. She was often witty and humorous as well as in pain. I am glad though, that she no longer has to endure the pain of her aging body. She was great at telling stories and giving gossip, especially when provoked by Jim Schutte to give "Pearls of Wisdom." Even in the visits where the room remained silent, it was nice to just see her. She was a wonderful woman, and will be greatly missed.

I call to the wild
The Fey
Those that hide
In the shadows
Playing at the edge of day
You who grow from the glowing core
Reach to the twilit sky
And
Join our rites once more

Persimmons

Soft flowing light surrenders
Life upon the verdant green
To illuminate the supple sweetness
Of the thick orange skin

I reach to grasp the knowledge
As I pierce the hardened boundary
To realize the Truth drips down my cheeks
To revel in the glory

Of the pungent beauty and the pain
I bite into myself
Complete with lust
To know myself in all my parts

Well this weekend Ian and I moved from Lake Merritt in Oakland to San Leandro to live in what is basically a CO-OP. I already feel so much more at home than I have felt in the past three months. With the help of really supportive and amazing friends and my wonderful mom we were able to move all of our stuff in less than two hours.
I have come to the realization that I, for the first time only have friends that I like and admire; in comparison to friends I have had in the past because they fulfilled my want to analyze and fix people (glad I finished that phase). Conversations at my new home are exponentially more fun and intelligent than the superficial ones I had with the previous house-mates I lived with (superficiality does serve a purpose though).
Life is good.

This weekend I had a really good time with my mom visiting various places in the Bay Area. She came up here to attend a "Contemporary Shamanism" class, that was to be the first of a series. I had met the teacher before, she had done a reading for me and was very accurate. Anyway my mom wanted me to go to the intro class with her, to ask questions and see what I thought about it(-as her spiritual adviser of course, just joking). Ian and I went with her she (the teacher) greeted us with a friendly smile. We helped her set up the space, putting chairs into a circle and moving furniture in to a more desirable location.
In waiting for the rest of the group, she started to talk to Ian and I, she was very positive and friendly (and excited that I speak French, her native language). The rest of the group came and she began to present what her "course" was about. She talked about the fact that in order to truly be ourselves we must change our relationship to the world so that we deprogram the negative talk that the over-culture, parents, and unhealthy religious upbringing puts us through. So I thought, wow sounds great. She spoke to of remaining unbiased in situations and empowerment (sounds good, I don't know how you can truly remain unbiased though). She talked about that we need to maintain a certain level of inner silence and stay grounded in ourselves (which I am learning right now).
And then the practice, everything she just said turned to shit. She had us go around the room (of seven people) and introduce ourselves. When it came time for Ian to introduce himself, he talked about himself and then asked the fatal question. He asked if in her tradition of shamanism if they practiced possession. She got very upset, saying that possession was dark and evil, and it only happens when evil you let evil spirits take over your body. Ian clarified that he meant letting a god or spirit ride someone for a ritual. She thought he meant channeling, and gave this whole lecture about Jane Roberts and how she picked up all these bad habits from having "Seth" take over her and how she is now insane.
So I clarified that he meant within a ritual setting having a spirit come through for healing, divination, ritual work, letting the community speak with the divine in a direct manner etc. She finally got it and then told us that we should change the word to something that has less stigma (What about breaking cultural misunderstandings?).
The "talking stick" was then passed to me, I introduced myself in a cheery manner and stated that i was eighteen and studying anthropology and that I am fascinated with indigenous religions.
When she found out that we are eighteen she flipped. She gave this long lecture staring at Ian and I saying that in future classes we should not show up late, that we are expected to do our homework, and create an environment in which others would feel safe to express themselves. She then said she has no clue how it would be possible for eighteen year olds to be emotionally supportive.
What happened to getting rid of stereotypes. The entire time she was lecturing us based of of her ageist preconceptions Ian and I sat perfectly straight and calm as she got angrier and more "passionate" -obsessive about the imagined disagreement she was having in her head.
The "fun" part about it all was that we remained in or stillness letting her erupt both about possession and ageism. We inadvertently exposed that she is not a very good teacher, in that she doesn't practice what she preaches. At the end of the class she apologized and hoped that we would join the class, saying it would be supportive atmosphere for us!
I am feeling very proud right now because before I started my work in Feri I was horrible in keeping my cool and would explode and express all of the contradictions she just performed in a yelling or rude manner. So I am greatful for the tools I have learned in managing my emotions and being comfortable with them. And I am also proud that I held the space for her to expose herself.
Needless to say several people are dropping the class.

In one of my classes, we have been discussing the interconnectedness of everything. Whether expressed in living systems, biological evolution, cosmological development (considering that science might be right about an origin point, I think they are) or parallel development in the consciousness of cultures. Anyway, we are having a discussion about the fact that there may be a consciousness in the Earth/ cosmos as a whole. Out of the Earth we came many years ago as life developed, and then self-organization began to occur (what life has turned into: trees, people, animals etc.). That we are part of the Earth's consciousness, in that we are its self-reflective consciousness and we are sons and daughters of the Universe because we too create, and therefore the Universe creates through us.

Thought it was interesting.

In my critical thinking class we were introduced to, what I found to be an amazing poem entitled "A work of Artifice," from poet Marge Percy in her book "Circles on the Water: Selected Poem" NY: Knopf 1994.

A Work of Artifice

The bonsai tree
in the attractive pot
could have grown eighty feet tall
on the side of the mountain
till split by lightning.
But a gardener
carefully pruned it.
It is nine inches high.
Every day as he
whittles back the branches
the gardener croons,
It is your nature
to be small and cozy,
domestic and week;
how lucky, little tree,
to have a pot to grow in.
With living creatures
one must begin very early
to dwarf their growth:
the bound feet,
the crippled brain,
the hair in curlers,
the hands you
love to touch.

Its deep so read it!!!

The other day I received one of my textbooks for school, and came across what I found to be fascinating. The textbook is for a class titled The Healing Arts and Inner Empowerment, which will focus on various Shamanic Traditions and alternative therapies to western medicine (i.e. reiki, prana, etc.).

Excited to receive the book and for some intellectual stimulation, I flipped open the book to a section on "Energetic Healing," with a study focused on heart energy. According to the study, the heart, when combined with the neocortex it can create extraordinary acts of love. In contrast, when it is combined with the function the cerebellum, it causes isolation. The heart is energetically the most powerful source of magnetic energy in the body.

Analyzing this further, the neocortex deals with higher level thought- by which I mean logic and reasoning (the neocortex, evolutionarily speaking, did not become developed until Homo Sapiens came about). The cerebellum deals with all feelings of survival, and basic emotions.

Love, therefore must be developed/enacted consciously. So in order to escape the self-centered aspect of the human mind, we must choose to love, by which we attract better situations into our life. If we don't and are instead controlled by our more primitive emotions (which are well entangled in our complexes) we will draw negative events, situations etc to our lives.

There also may be connections between the Iron Pentacle and the cerebellum. Therefore, by purifying the Iron we bring our instinctive emotions under control (building a stronger foundation as in Maslow's Hierarchy). With this solid foundation, we can call up the Pearl (consciously) to help us reach our potential and work more effectively with others.

The End